Affected by the Effects of Stalking

The effects of stalking are often minimized by people on the outside of the experience. But recent studies have shown that the impact on a stalking victim's psychological and emotional well-being is considerable. Many of the effects come from the realignment of one's routine or the implementation of a safety plan. Minor adjustments to your everyday life and the need for heightened awareness can cause tremendous stress. I know. I am going through it right now.

Unfortunately, I have not found a lot of support during this time. Some people still believe, after 11 weeks of phone calls in the middle of the night, that it's just "some kids playing on the phone." Others have said don't pick up the phone anymore. But studies have shown that refusal to indulge a stalker in the early phases of behavior can cause them to escalate that behavior to more uncomfortable or more dangerous scenarios.

On one hand, I understand that others don't understand what is going on in my life. It's not like I have a fatal disease or I've lost a limb. My crisis is intangible. My pain is internal. And when you can't see it, it doesn't seem real. On the other hand, suffering through the last three months alone has pushed me into a place that is small and confining and uncomfortable. It hurts that my family and friends don't understand the seriousness of the crime being committed. And it's disheartening how the police have made me feel like the criminal and not the victim. I cannot wait for this to be over. That said, from what I've read and from what my brother-in-law who is a police officer has told me... It's never really over.

The good news is there is a lot of online support and informational websites are popping up all over. The mental health effects of stalking include forgetfulness, fatigue, lack of concentration and disorganization. The emotional effects are far greater. Stalking victims typically experience guilt, embarrassment, depression, anxiety, lowered self-esteem and post traumatic stress disorder.

Personally, I can tell you that I can't sleep. My eating habits have changed. I am suspicious of everyone and everything seems bigger to me. Things rub me the wrong way that never would have before. I cry ALL the time. I am depressed. (Although, I will give credit to all the other crap in my life for the depression as well. The stalker doesn't get all the accolades for that one.) There are days when I wake up and the first thing I think is, "I can't wait until I can go back to sleep tonight."

Some would advise that I not be so candid. Someone who consistently harasses another person is hoping to control them emotionally or mentally. And by telling the truth, I guess I am admitting that it's working. But I don't care. Why lie about it? It is working. And others need to understand the effects and the consequences of the not knowing and the constant disruption in my life.
If I could teach you three things about stalking through my experience, it would be:

• Stalking dominates & devastates victims' lives. They feel unsafe. They have trouble working & sleeping and feel isolated. The average experience lasts 1.8 years.
  
• Stalking behavior ranges from annoying & intrusive to dangerous & terrifying. Stalking frequently escalates to violence and often ends in murder.
  
• You can support stalking victims by listening, showing concern and never blaming the victim